Monday, August 5, 2013

life // a story of fulfilling hope - 1

At the beginning of 2012, I felt that God would make it one of hiding.  Little did I know how much "hiding" and "anonymity" would be prevalent themes with unforeseen proportions.  2012 was full of solitude, stillness, and the self-discipline of preparing myself for things I could not imagine (granted, I felt as though I failed at this "preparation.")  The "hiding," the concealment, the confinement had ruined my hope and motivation; this was evident in my words and actions.  The breakthroughs were few, but cherished.

Recently I looked back at that year.  I cried as I read the posts even here.  As a whole unit, they confirmed what I know of 2012 - I really did face so much hopelessness.  And that is why I wrote on hope and on contentment (and even the raw post about my health) - to encourage myself foremost.  So as I reflect on those posts, I cry not because of regret or disappointment, but because of joy.  I now see how that season of struggle is woven into this current season of rejoicing.
It's easy to forget that where there is hopelessness, there was once hope.
And where there is hope, there is an initial promise for fulfillment.
And where there is hope fulfilled, there is life.

Jan 2013. Quick illustration on John 1.46

When 2013 began (and around my birthday in February), I wanted to claim a promise for the upcoming season.  One of the words that I felt was the promise of "hope fulfilled." Granted, my hopes are numerous, and I could not tell exactly what the Lord referred to.  But this much I knew: 2012 indeed was a year of "hiding," but like a seed, underground.  And if this is the year of hope fulfilled, it could mean anything - maybe I will see the produce, maybe I will see a mere sprout, but it will be enough to reassure that Abba is watching and taking care of my heart.

After my heart had been comforted by this promise, over the course of a few weeks, three significant people had spoken directly into my heart about the things that weighed upon me, without being aware of my struggles of the past and the anticipations of the future.

The first person spoke to me about my spiritual life, my ministry, and my health.
He released me back into worship and intercession, and encouraged me that physical ailments are not hindrances to loving God, and receiving love by another.

The second person spoke to me about my character, my childhood pursuits and my finances.
He reminded me to be a person of integrity, to have faith and dreams bigger than my checkbook, and to be a good steward of the visions God has given to me for years by setting measurable goals. (A double rainbow appeared after this conversation - the second one is faint, top left).  It was the day after my birthday.

The third person spoke to me about relationships - friends, family, and my future family.
She reiterated the importance of respecting the family I have, and respecting the irrevocable covenant of marriage.  She also gave me hope for the waiting.

When all of this was said, my heart was so overwhelmed.  Every major area of my life was tackled; I was convicted and encouraged.  So I approached my mom about this, and her reply:

The LORD is bringing a huge wave your way, and when it comes to you, two things can happen: either this wave will crash over you and break you, or you can stand up and ride it.  RIDE THE WAVE.

But Jesus.. I've never surfed before...


No comments :

Post a Comment