january

been on a kick of looking back into 2005 journals, which i will explain later.
expect a number of re-posts.

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january 14

delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

if we waited until God gave us what we wanted before deepening ourselves in Him, we probably wouldn't keep our word... because we're human and we are stupid sometimes.

[sometimes, the more we get, the less we really gain : sanctus real]

but God is not human and thus He is not stupid.

we remember the premise... and once we're in the center of God's will, maybe the desires of our heart will be for someone or something else... something greater than what we could've planned out for ourselves.

january 20

Jesus, You know the storages and file cabinets and crate-fulls of mess in my life, and You also know the little desires that i'd confess, keep silent, or maybe not say at all. and sometimes, You gift me with the things I never thought I sought, but found... and rejoiced. i love You, Jesus...

life is piercing and harsh, but Jesus has been wonderful nonetheless, and it would be unfair for me not to be nice to Him too...

january 31

God have mercy on our restless souls, because we become uneasy with the outcomes of things that contradict our original design... but show us Your blueprint that we may better understand ourselves and others...

and love us too-- because we may feel incomplete when the hearts of man fail us...

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xo

reading: 2005 xanga entries. yes, i said xanga.
listening: Jason Upton, "Come Up Here" from Faith

lovely

in the morning, tell yourself you are lovely, because you are.

and this not in a conceited manner - this is true, and it's healthy to speak the truth over yourself. we live in a world of lies where everyone else is dictating our identity (and they're usually all lies). the truth is, you are lovely, you are worth fighting for, you are desired.

and when you wake up, you should know this. and when you wake up, you should smile, even if for a second you're forcing yourself to, because sometimes the truth needs a bit of prompting before it becomes convincing. because sometimes, we know the happier way out, we just like to wallow in our pain. the truth is, you are loved, you are cared for, you are thought of.

and when you get up, you should thank the Lord that He's given you another day to fall in love with Him all over again, to embrace life, ugliness and beauty and all. and thank Him that for the rest of the day, He'll still be beside you, the peace you find when you need Him. we don't believe it because we don't see proof, we don't feel a nearby presence, we don't hear the words we're longing for. but the truth is, He longs for you, He wants to be the one you run to, He wants to be your solace, your laughter, your comfort.

and when you greet this day, talk to Jesus, and listen to Him too. you'll hear Him call you lovely, you'll hear secrets only made known to you. and even though you may go through today with moments of brokenness and coldness and gloom, remember He was also broken, and lonely, and grieved, but even then, He was still lovely - so very lovely - and so are you. in the middle of your emptiness or plenty, your apathy or sensitivity, your anger or control, you are His beloved, His chosen, His dream, His desire, and He finds you lovely.


xo


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Reading: Psalm 73
Listening: my favorite playlist, "as night falls"