a beautifully lovesick pursuit of the Holy

oh what a year.
a beautiful year.
a very beautiful year.

2008 was rather painful for me. It was drenched in ache and loss and brokenness. A lot of shaking. I learned about cost and worth - I loved, but love turned to sacrifice, and sacrifice turned to compromise. And I was garbled in a cloud of voices and opinions and degrading... That even the voice of God faded into the distance. I missed Him.



So I resolved that in 2009, I would return to my true Love... I would pursue Him.

I will search all through the night, and when I find Him, I will not let Him go.
- Song of Solomon 3; "I Will Search," Rick Pino

I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my Beloved, tell him I am LOVESICK!
- Song of Solomon 5.8

Thus, 2009 became a beautiful lovesick pursuit of the Holy.
And among the numerous ways the LORD revealed Himself, above all, I treasure the gift of relationships. Friendlationships. This year, God put people in my life who I've been praying for before I even met - people I'll cherish much (times infinity). And without intention, they taught me to embrace my God-given personality and identity, to pursue a Holy God, to be vulnerable yet wise. They taught me to love - freely, without reservation.

(and she's just one of them)

With the expansion of my affections came the expansion of my intercession. My heart would be stirred by the injust, merciless, and declining society. God put opportunities in my path without my searching for it: from Bound4LIFE, to the web design for Stand for Life Hawaii.. all the way to becoming a special education paraprofessional.

I have set watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem; they shall never hold their peace day or night. You who make mention of the LORD, do not keep silent, and give Him no rest till He establishes and makes Jerusalem a praise in the earth.
-Isaiah 62.6-7

But I also babysat, took care of a handicap elder (plus about 200 other things). The danger with all that work, coupled with an intense call to holiness, and having been surrounded by "ministry," is that they can be rather draining. And I burnt out.

In no way was 09 a perfect year; searching through the night can be rather disappointing and tiring. In fact, the call to holiness became a religious spirit that bound me - but only because I lost sight of why I did it. If I were to pursue Him, it ought to be out of LOVE, not obligation. To love Him is to know Him. Upon knowing Him, we become Him. And who He is, is holy. But it all starts out in love.

You provide the fire, I'll provide the sacrifice.
- "Fill Me Up," United Pursuit Band

After that, I felt His presence was removed from me, or at least, it felt like a wilderness. At night. Still, God did tell me one thing - to worship. Interestingly enough, in the very same season, I had increased opportunities to collaborate in leading prophetic worship. The reasoning to still worship? Because whether or not I feel, see, or hear Him, He is still God, and He is still worthy of my worship. In every situation, I must worship Him in all His glory and holiness, in absolute faith that He finds it to be a pleasant sound, a fragrant love offering, a sweet incense in His chambers.

You will be my song in the night, my strength in the fire.
- "I Will See Your Glory," Tim Reimherr

I sleep, but my heart is awake
- Song of Solomon 5:2

Being in a wilderness at night -with all artificial lights shut off- is the most opportune time to see the multitudes of stars in all their brilliance. His Word is unchanging, His promises are secure, and His Word is alive. And I know that in a beautifully lovesick pursuit of the Holy, I can find Him in His Word - He is waiting, revealing that all the while, He was in a beautifully lovesick pursuit of me.

When will You come to me? When will You dwell with me? I am longing for Your nearness, come meet me in Your Word!
- Mary of Bethany session, OneThing 06

I make no concrete resolutions for each year (although I have some for the rest of my life), because God always supersedes my expectations. But I do want to be sure that the things He's taught me, I've truly learned (I wouldn't want to exit 2010 knowing 09 repeated itself). In Jesus' name, 2010 will be a great and glorious year. Another lovesick pursuit.

No one’s ever seen or heard anything like this,
Never so much as imagined anything quite like it—
What God has arranged for those who love him.
But you’ve seen and heard it because God by his Spirit
has brought it all out into the open before you.
The Spirit dives into the depths of God,
and brings out what God planned all along.
- 1 cor 2:9-10

xo



Not my best photos of the year in their entirety, but I tried to be fitting :)
Currently Listening: Paint Your Picture by Julie Meyer

imitation

O Christ, the storyteller, release in us a compassion, an empathy.
paint for us eternal truth -
as eternity does not refer to "later," it refers to "neverending."
so let us live with "neverending" prefixed to our character, and let us, forever,
sing new melodies in the morning
harmonize with creation
dance the make-believe hours away
act with grace and agility and poise
capture beauty in ashes
paint eternal truths
write. create. make.

for art is the imitation, the imitation of life.
and if my life is an imitation of Christ,
may my art be the imitation of Christ.

“Are you a born writer? Were you put on the Earth to be painter, a scientist, an apostle of peace? In the end the question can only be answered by action.

Do it or don’t do it.

It may help you to think of it this way. If you were meant to cure cancer or write a symphony or crack cold fusion and you don’t do it, you not only hurt yourself, even destroy yourself. You hurt your children. You hurt me. You hurt the planet.

You shame the angels who watch over you and you spite the Almighty, who created you and only you with your unique gifts, for the sole purpose of nudging the human race one millimeter farther along its path back to God.

Creative work is not a selfish act or a bid for attention on the part of the actor. Its a gift to the world and every being in it. Don’t cheat us of your contribution. Give us what you’ve got.”

from The War of Art by Steven Pressfield

xo



currently listening: "Fling Wide" Misty Edwards

devotion

a single bottle
filled with a year's wages
not spent on the needs of the world

but here it is, poured. washed.
absorbed into the skin of the Christ.
embedded in the skin of Christ.

and there, before the world
fiercely whipped
there, on the back that bears their burdens
fiercely pierced
there, on the side that they embraced
fiercely struck
there, on the cheek that they kissed

as He bled, as He sweat,
off of His skin,
He could smell the scent of her devotion.
with every slash,
the scent of her devotion
with every curse
the scent of her devotion
with every piercing thorn
the scent of her devotion
with His last inhalation
the scent of her devotion.

And the angels asked her, "Woman, why are you crying?"
"They have taken my Lord away," she said, "and I don't know where they have put Him." At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.
"Woman," He said, "why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?"
Thinking He was the gardener, she said, "Sir, if you have carried Him away, tell me where you have put Him, and I will get Him."

Jesus said to her, "Mary."

She turned toward Him and cried out, "RABBONI!"



-John 20:13-16

And He remembers her devotion....
He remembers my devotion.


xo



Currently Listening: The Reward by Jonathan David Helser