Tuesday, November 1, 2011

tonight's raw prayer

I don't know what to do.
I don't know what's wisdom, where to look, or if to wait,
I don't know how to be full of faith and full of wise actions at the same time,
I don't know how to pray.

I'm not asking for You to make things easier
-but You know my heart, You know I'd really like that-
yet, the little that I know You, what I do know is that
sometimes Your answer is the hard road,
to make me grow more, to make me learn more.

At the core of all this,
All I want to do is to Love You.
That's it-
to really Love You.

I better be honest...
What I also would like is to feel loved by You.
And feel affirmed that where I am is where You want me to be.
My heart is content wherever You are!
If You are in the heights, there I shall be
If You are in the depths, there too I shall be.
We belong to each other, You and me, and I want to be where You are!..

But God,
don't know where You are.
(well yes, You are here),
but I don't know where You are going.
It's so strange how I hear Your voice but yet You feel so far.

Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we do not know where You are going, and how can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. - John 14.5-6

Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon the earth that I desire besides You.
- Psalm 73.25

I sought the One I love; I sought Him, but I did not find Him.
“I will rise now,” I said, “And go about the city; in the streets and in the squares, I will seek the One I love.”
I sought Him, but I did not find Him.
The watchmen who go about the city found me;
I said, “Have you seen the One I love?”
Scarcely had I passed by them, when I found the One I love.
I held Him and would not let him go
- Song of Solomon 3.1-4

As for me, the nearness of God is my good...
- Psalm 73.28

There are so many answers I need,
So many final decisions I want Your input
So many virtues I need You to help me attain
And yet, all of that is loss compared to the simple desire of:
God, I just want You.

Help me to trust You and help my unbelief
I want to be dependent on You...
Because there's not a care in the world
When I am trusting You completely...
- Jon Thurlow, "Dependent on You"