Saturday, August 15, 2009


The in-love-ness of: "You, my LORD, are beside me in this moment,"
the in-love-ness of hearing His voice reiterate promises and compliments and Truth,
the in-love-ness of knowing His plans for your future together:
it persuades us to a dance with our Christ. And in ecstasy of spirit,
we say beautiful prayers, or sing heart-gripping worship songs -
the poetry of lyric: devotion in prose, or
the suave of melodies: canons and ballads and crescendos

Yet, I do not know the honesty of what we pray for, nor do I realize the weight of our words, the power of our thoughts and our tongue, nor the reality of any covenant, or promise - with Him or with others.

At the sound of His words, we dramatically recant some equally astounding commitment,
"I will die for You," "I will live for You," "I will stand up for You," "I will fight for You."
"I will ____ for You."
do anything. for YOU.
walk through the wilderness, give up everything, bear my cross, run the extra mile, contend.

I do not realize the weight of my words.

And so when the fire consumes my surroundings,
or the torrential rain has brought mold to my foundation,
when the earth swallows my city, or the desert is without horizon:
my weary -and now lazy- soul questions where is the One who desired me...

We can be so quick to speak at the moment of in-love-ness,
So swayed by worship song and dance;
Yet, so quick to retract at the moment of familiarity -
to stop running when He says not where He is going,
to stop sacrificing when we are not receiving,
to stop living when we are tired of dying.

He always knew the weight of His words.
When we were faithless, He remained faithful.
He is the fire, the flood, the wind. He is Truth, He is Life.

We forget what we once prayed. We suffer and do not understand the cause -
But He takes us at our word, because He is a Man of His word.
He keeps His words, should we not keep ours?

God is not a man, that He should lie,
nor a son of man, that He should change His mind.
Does He speak and then not act?
Does He promise and not fulfill?

-Numbers 23.19


Adonai, I want integrity to become me; I want to say what I mean, mean what I say, and follow through with every promise, commitment, and covenant with You.
Let it be so.


Listening: Jesus Culture, "Consumed"
Reading: a truckload of emails.

Saturday, August 1, 2009


one day, i vented to the LORD and complained of a situation in which i gave and gave, and got nothing in return - He smiled with such gentleness, and told me, "now you know how I feel."

and then i saw that i had not been giving Him my everything.
but He is a gracious God, and He still gives and gives, whether or not i give Him anything in return. it convicts and moves me, to love Him, not out of guilt, but out of desire.

never have we been promised:
"love and you will be loved"
"love and you shall receive"
"love and you will be happy"
"love and you shall be satisfied,"

it will be a while, but soon enough, we'll realize in the core of our souls, that love never promises anything except that we will feel. for as often as we love, so often we hurt. and as often as we give, so often we lose. but even amidst loss and sacrifice and pain, we love because we choose, we love because we are compelled. and as often as we are compelled, so often we know joy. and as often as we purpose, so often we have peace.

but most of all, as often as we encounter Love, so often we encounter God.
and as often as we encounter God, so often we feel loved.


reading: a lot of RSS feeds.
listening: "I Have to Believe," Rita Springer (except for "Those Were the Days." for some reason i always skip it)
watching: "Don't Eat the Daisies"