Tuesday, June 12, 2012

on love and money

And now, I will speak a little more practically.  I wrote this at a time that I was struggling financially, due to situations that are out of my control.  But it's those financial situations - the ones that are OUT of our control - that prove to your heart WHO is really in control.  In the moments of worry, I was reminded of God's faithfulness to my heart, faithfulness to my family.  How am I easily forgetful?  (I blame my humanity, but that is a sorry excuse.) I had to go back to the basics: I do what makes my heart fully in love.


Why is it that money is such an issue when it comes to doing the thing that you love?  I think because money is such a driving factor - it can easily rival against God for our hearts' allegiance, without us realizing it.  It's almost as though money is not just mere currency for materials, but currency for life, for sustenance.  That's pathetic when you think about it.  So.Pathetic.  But, it's also the reason why money is an issue when doing what you love.  Will money or love be the currency for existence?  Do you survive because you have things, or do you survive because you are in love?

I want to survive because I am in Love.

Everything in this life is temporary.  I can't make a claim to anything on this earth - not materials, not sustenance.. not even relationships.  No, not even the husband I marry or the children I bear, I cannot call them mine.  Their lives aren't mine, I don't decide the circumstances in their lives or their durations or their choices.  Nothing belongs to me, I am only to be a wise steward of the things I have.  I am to treat all things - especially people - with gratitude and kindness, for they are all blessings from the hand of Abba.

It's the unseen things that remain.  Money disappears.  Love always remains. I will not let money steward my love, I will let love steward my money.  Love brings forth better wisdom than money.  Money typically brings forth fear.  Fear in between money and love?  what a bad combination.

All those thoughts to say, money is still an issue for me.  I work a low paying job.  I make art.  But I find ways to be wise about controlling my money, from saving my tips, putting things into my savings account, and giving my tithes (because God is deserving).  I scrape by, but nonetheless, I get by.  And sometimes I forget that I am scraping by, because I am doing what I love.

I will keep telling this til my dying day:
Yes, I am doing my ideal job, but it's not the dream of my heart.  The dream of my heart is to love God fully and to live a life that glorifies Him.  THAT is my dream.  My occupation is simply my ministry.  So if I make close to nothing financially, my dream is not affected.  If I climb this business ladder and succeed by worldly standards, my dream is not affected.  At the end of my life, when I stand before God, I will have known that I lived the dream life.  And my heart was fully in love.

But Godliness with contentment is great gain.  For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.

1 Timothy 6.6-7


originally posted here.  revised for this blog.
currently watching: the world barista championship.  i'm serious.
currently listening: bill evans
currently reading: 2 Timothy.

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