Monday, October 18, 2010


There is no way I am anywhere near close to this.  Hence the reason I pray it.


Jesus, how you so deeply desire for me to be ablaze!  And O, that Your jealousy would burn me into pure zealotry- a fervor fueled by a longing for Your heart.  Make the achings of Your heart become the aching of my heart... still,

A life of consecration always comes before a life of love.

- Watchman Nee

I must know You as my King before I know You as my Lover.  I must know You as my Master before I know You as my Friend.  And not that You are exclusive to this, but I nearly demand it of myself, because these sacrifices of servanthood are my acts of love before You.

Beautiful Christ!  When You washed Your disciples' feet, John said of You,

Having loved His own who were in the world, He now showed them the full extent of His love...

- John 13.2

Ah!  The groanings of my spirit cannot comprehend this!  The full extent?  And so what are my weak words before You? I sputter out these immature, incomplete, and still completely innocent words "I love You..."  Yet how have I showed You the full extent of my love?

No.  This is not about religion: about working or purging myself to gain Your love, about performing as a servant before a King, a slave before a Master- oh this would defy the power of the Cross that tore the veil between us!
This is not about the necessity to do these things in order to earn Your love, but this is of my willingness to be a servant as You have been.

This is about giving my offering.  This is not about the tithe that You commanded, this is about the free-will gift that I choose to give to You, the humble sacrifices - taking treasures I have long held close to my soul, and declaring that they are no longer my treasures, for You are my Treasure.

Because the elements of time and resources and earthly gain and ego, what will stand the heat of Your gaze?  What will endure into the eternity we spend together, what will last forever?  I must be consecrated!  Willingly consecrated!  A willing circumcision of my heart!

O the circumcision of the heart!  I must be willing for You to make the painful incisions in every hidden part of me!  Little Heart, you love as much as you know love, but you are wounded and offended and bitter and scared, Little Heart, He must make the careful, excruciating severance...

But willingly I do this, my loving Master, I want to be set apart, marked by my King, separated from the world, consecrated... willingly consecrated... Serving out of love, different because of love, giving out of love, giving giving giving...


And all the while You know my heart.  You know my heart only longs to be closer to You.  I wait on Your every word, I rush to satisfy Your requests, Your demands.  I love Your commands, Your law.  So I find myself in Your presence more oft, and I learn Your ways - the way You like things set, how You want it done.  I learn Your favorite things.  And I would go above and beyond what You ask of me, solely because I love You, and I delight in seeing You delighted.

I know You intimately, just being Your servant, and in the fullness of Your grace, You know me (fully)... You love me.

And He talks with me, and He walks with me, and He tells me that I am His own

- "In the Garden" C. Austin Miles

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business.  Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

- Jesus.  John 15.15

I am a friend who chooses to serve my Friend.
I know You, my King, in Your chambers.
I have found that I am Your treasure.


Currently Listening: IHOP Prayer Room
Currently Watching: The Phantom of the Opera (because "All I Ask of You" is much like Jesus)
Currently Reading: Song of Songs, by Watchman Nee

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