But this post could not wait, simply because there is an immediacy of testifying to the goodness of God.
My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
- Psalm 62.1-2
I am thankful for the Love of God. He is unlike the majority of mankind. In the deepest, darkest hours, He runs to us, not away from us. Many people speculate the reverse, but really, those assumptions-turned-beliefs often stem from being too proud to receive His love. And what I mean is, sometimes, when God extends a direction, a command, or even His mercy and grace, we respond with, "No, God, You don't understand... You don't understand what I'm dealing with, how incapable I am... I just can't." And we recount our past life, our failures, our sins, our inabilities, our issues, our narrow-focused identity. Basically, we are telling God, "My weakness is stronger than Your strength." It's really a pride issue.
It was my issue.
Not that I would blatantly confess my refusal of His love, but unintentionally, I would turn down His offers to help me.
Example 1:
God says: "I want you to pursue [this one dream]."
I say: "But God, I need to take care of [these weighty things] first. Because if I don't, how will I be able to support my life?"
God: "Um... Me."
I say: "But God... You don't understand, I have these bills to pay..."
Example 2:
God says: "You messed up, but I love you anyway."
I say: "But God... I promised I wouldn't do it again.. and... I do it again. and again. I feel bad, like I'm abusing grace..."
God says: "My grace is sufficient for you."
I say: "But I feel bad."
Pretty much.
It's saying, "My weakness is stronger than Your strength."
It's a pride issue. What is it in me, though, that makes me think I'm perfectly capable of doing everything on my own terms? Why do we keep slipping into that? I suppose mankind has struggled with that since Eden, and debating whether or not "God really said." But regardless, it should never become a tolerated excuse. I'm tired of doing everything by myself. I want to believe that "God really said."
I think about the ever-present verse, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" Phil 4.13. would then the opposite be true?
Jesus gave them this answer, "I tell you the truth, [even] the Son can do nothing by himself; he can only do what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does, the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all He does...."
- John 5.19-20
[Jesus said], "...Apart from Me, you can do nothing."
-John 15.5
There you have it.
All that being said, I surrender. Sure: as much as we live and breathe and accumulate, we'll have multiple and constant points of surrender. But I'm reminding myself to surrender now. I'm reminding myself that I can't do it on my own. I can't do it without God. I'm reminding myself that I am not in control. And actually, believing that is completely liberating.
xo
Currently Listening: Jason Upton's message, Satisfied By God. like 50x in two weeks.
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