on worship // battle.

Absolutely: worship is a battlefield.  And not just the allotted time of worship on Sunday mornings (because let's face it - we do get distracted here and there), but a lifestyle of worship.  With all the demands of the day, and all the emotions and thoughts we've had to carry, we find ourselves too drained and too discouraged to press in to worship.  What?  Read the Word?  Sing?  We fall asleep.  Or we sing a lyric and our mind tangents off to areas that vie for our attention: relationships, responsibilities, imagination.

But all these things - distractions and discouragements - they flood our mind only because the enemy will do what it takes to prevent us from taking up weapons of warfare that is found in Worship and the Word.  The enemy wars for our attention.  He's after our focus.

Anything can steal our focus.  A troubled mind.  A heavy heart.  Temptations of selfishness and pride.  Bitterness or resentment.  Affections.  Hopes and fears.  Anxiety.

And yet, the key remains, that the only way to grasp an undivided attention is to press into worship.  Yes, it is going to prove itself to be a difficulty.  But this is why we refer to it as "a sacrifice of praise" - because it is will cost us something.  It is costly to push our agenda aside - our thoughts, our feelings, our motives - all for the sake of honoring one who is more worthy of our thoughts, feelings, and motives.  It is to die to our flesh, to fully surrender, to lay it all down.

We sing a beautiful chorus and as it repeats and the lyrics become memory, it embeds into our spirits and we catch ourselves singing it throughout the day, throughout the week, sometimes subconsciously. And without realizing it, these repeated Truths transform into our second nature.  In the moment of struggle, and doubt, and anxiety, the lyrics become weapons: "God I look to You, I won't be overwhelmed...." Suddenly, our spirits are uplifted, and we have joy again.  We hope again.  And this is the power of worship - these are the repercussions of worship.

And you see, it is not that we hide our struggles, or ignore them like infected wounds.  No, these things matter to us, and we matter to God- He is in the business of taking care of our hearts.  The honest surrender in worship, of putting His agenda before ours, is saying, "I trust You, Jesus, to fight for me."  And the beautiful thing is, He does.  And He wins.

He rescues me unharmed from the battle waged against me...
- Psalm 55.18

In the place of difficulty and suffering, giving God the honor and praise in our worship is the way that we battle the enemy.  We recognize that we are weak and frail and failures, but that our God is strong for us, and that His grace covers our sin, and that His love goes beyond our capacity.  We recognize that He has made us to live free and to receive His goodness, and to let this gift of love overflow.

I may be weak, but Your Spirit's strong in me
My flesh may fail, but my God, You never will.
- "Give Me Faith," Elevation Worship

The Scripture passage to meditate on is Psalm 57.  David was fleeing for his life, and yet his response was to worship God and to recognize His faithfulness.  Ask the Lord what He wants to show you through this chapter.  And remember- you are more than a conqueror.  Not will be, but you are.

My heart, O God, is steadfast; my heart is steadfast!
I will sing and make music.
Awake, my soul!  Awake, harp and lyre!
I will awaken the dawn.
- Psalm 57.7-8

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace.

xo

shrinkwrap.

"Sundown" Process. September 2012.

I have a number of canvases in what formerly was my art studio / now storage room.  All the medium sized canvases are half-finished.  All the large canvases are still shrink-wrapped.  And looking at these untouched canvases, it dawned on me how much my mindset needs adjustment.

I realized I don't paint on large canvases because I feel as though something of grand size and attention deserves a "worthy" image.  Sometimes a beautiful concept will come to mind, and I will drizzle these pencil strokes in my sketchbook.  But then I never transfer them onto the canvas, because it still doesn't feel good enough.

There.  I said it.

Sometimes I don't paint because I don't feel like I am good enough.

But God did not create me with hopes, desires and ideas, only to have them collect dust on a shelf, to be read like distant fairy tales of impossible nature.  He did not give me abilities and ambitions, only for me to bury them in the ground because I'm afraid that if I use them they might break (or break me).  He does not weigh His heart on mine or His thoughts on my mind, only for me to talk at Him than communicate with Him.

I've lived with such a fear of failure that sometimes I shut down instead of dare to try.  I'm sure that is not at all what God intended for my life when He formed me.

In the past few weeks, I've been meditating on God's intentions.  And I think about how our God - the Creator of the Universe - has plans for nations, and governments, and people groups, and galaxies.  And this very God also has a plan for this island.. And He decided to share a part of this plan with me.  In fact, He's shared parts of different plans with everyone.  Imagine!  To think that God gave me a part of His dreams because He trusts me to carry out these plans.  Some days I wish He wouldn't trust me so much.  But it's only because He loves me that much.

So why am I not stepping out?  Why do I easily talk about these hopes and dreams, without actually pursuing them?  Why do I limit myself to familiarity and comfort?  Why is my whole life shrink-wrapped and hiding behind mounds of other stuff?

Right now, I've got the canvases out, and I'm dabbling a little bit.  And I am reminded that it is okay to paint over and start again.  That I don't have to get it right the first time, or the second, but that I must paint anyway.  That I can't let my art be trapped in sketchbooks, or as concepts in my mind.  And I am reminded that His mercies are new every morning, and today is another day to get up and walk by faith.  And I am reminded that I have to - I must - be a good steward of the gifts and dreams God has given to me.

And after I finish these canvases, I can always get a new one, and keep creating, keep dreaming.

And anyway, He didn't create us merely to be good enough.  He created us for greatness.  Amene.

The LORD confides in those who fear Him...
- Psalm 25.14

"And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve Him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts.  If you seek Him, He will be found by you; but if you forsake Him, He will reject you forever.  Consider now, for the LORD has chosen you to build a temple as a sanctuary.  Be strong and do the work."
- I Chronicles 28.9-10

In other news, it's still comforting to know that God enjoys speaking to me through the art process.  How did rummaging through storage resurrect the deeper issues of life?  You're funny, Abba.


xo

currently listening: Jon Thurlow.  reminded how much I miss this...

living free

Our environment and circumstances may have been handed to us without our consent, such as where we grew up, the relationships that surrounded our upbringing, or the type of sustenance and allowances we lived by.  Some things, we made the decision for ourselves - what type of career we pursue, what kind of friendships we pursued, what kind of lifestyle we chose.   Some of these were excellent paths, others are mistakes- stains that we try relentlessly to erase.

And all these things, as we look back at our years, cannot be changed.  However, we make the choice how to react.  Will we be full of self pity, disappointment, regret? This is our human response.  It becomes a natural response to cringe, weep, and shrink back in fear from anything that could agitate the horrifying memories of failure.

Yet, to live by the Spirit is to live apart from condemnation- self-condemnation! - and to live in freedom.  You were not meant to be a slave to regret.  You were not meant to live your life controlled by the fears of repeating the effects of weakness.  You were not meant to be paralyzed by bitterness, anger, or resentment.

You have the freedom to choose!  You have the freedom to choose joy and peace and patience, you have the choice to walk away from negativity.  Maybe you have that option to change your circumstances.  Maybe these situations cannot be changed.  And that is okay.  Your mind can change, your heart can change, your attitude can change - all by the power of God.

Why should we burden ourselves?  He means for us to live free.

The mind of the sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.
- Romans 8.6

For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.
- Romans 8.15

xo

currently listening: Hillsong, A Beautiful Exchange