knowing.

one day, i vented to the LORD and complained of a situation in which i gave and gave, and got nothing in return - He smiled with such gentleness, and told me, "now you know how I feel."

and then i saw that i had not been giving Him my everything.
but He is a gracious God, and He still gives and gives, whether or not i give Him anything in return. it convicts and moves me, to love Him, not out of guilt, but out of desire.


never have we been promised:
"love and you will be loved"
"love and you shall receive"
"love and you will be happy"
"love and you shall be satisfied,"

it will be a while, but soon enough, we'll realize in the core of our souls, that love never promises anything except that we will feel. for as often as we love, so often we hurt. and as often as we give, so often we lose. but even amidst loss and sacrifice and pain, we love because we choose, we love because we are compelled. and as often as we are compelled, so often we know joy. and as often as we purpose, so often we have peace.

but most of all, as often as we encounter Love, so often we encounter God.
and as often as we encounter God, so often we feel loved.



xo


reading: a lot of RSS feeds.
listening: "I Have to Believe," Rita Springer (except for "Those Were the Days." for some reason i always skip it)
watching: "Don't Eat the Daisies"

Infinite

After reading Joe's FB note "thought #32 of 289,046 on june 26, 2009," I had my own swirl of thoughts and rambles.

Oh, and this isn't written "to" Joe, just inspired by him. And Joe, I hope nothing ever restrains you; let His love always compel you.

--

You were created in the image of God. I was created in the image of God.
And yet, what a phenomena, we are all unique.
It is because there is a part of God that is a part of you, and only you.
There is a part of Him that is only in me.
This is the multi-faceted, deeply intricate, wonderfully infinite, Holy Trinity.

And so, in your discovery of God, you will find yourself.
Because you were created in the image of God;
To see Him is to see who you should be.
But the mystery of the intricate, infinite God is this:
In your relationships with others, expect to encounter a unique attribute of God.

This is the multi-faceted, deeply intricate, wonderfully created, Body of Christ.
Which is why, to dismiss the need for community,
Or to dismiss your personal potential and thinking less of yourself,
Or to elevate yourself and/or others without elevating God
Only causes one to build an incomplete (or false!) image of Christ

We think we know each other. I think I know myself. I think I know God!
But He is not an idea to be contained in concepts and forms and -ologies
He is a Person - THREE Persons! - to know, to communicate with, to love.
And to love, and to be loved, is to experience God, because He IS love.
Yet, who can explain love? It is multi-faceted, deeply intricate, wonderfully infinite...

There is a facet of God that is in you, and only you, a facet of Him that is only in me.
And I learn more about God when I love you,
And slowly learn what it is to be made in the image of love, the image of God.
He is three Persons, but One God.
We are many parts, but one body.

This is to the glory of a multi-faceted, deeply intricate, wonderfully infinite, beautiful God.

For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son...
-Romans 8.29

Love each other deeply, from the heart.
-I Peter 1.22

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in Him.
-I John 4.16

xo


Reading: New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Morton
Listening: Fresh Pair of Eyes, Brooke Waggoner

hungry

Been journaling more, and [obviously] blogging less. Unfortunately. Actually I have six drafts waiting to be published...

--

I can name four instances in the past week where people have blessed us with food in abundance - and by that, I mean things like 3 gallons of milk, two trays of eggs, two bags of rice, a LOT of fresh produce... And to think, it all started on Friday morning, when my dad proudly announced he had eaten the last bit of leftovers, making more space in the refrigerator.

Sometimes we are unaware of what emptiness prepares us for.
I couldn't help but think about a recurring theme I hear in my spirit this season - that of hunger.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
-Matthew 5.6

Blessed is the man who will eat at the feast in the kingdom of God.
-Luke 14.13

The verse in Luke is the preface of the parable which Jesus tells, in which a banquet is prepared and the invited guests had numerous excuses not to attend. This was countered by inviting anyone and everyone, even those on the streets, "so that [his] house will be full" (v.23).

Interestingly enough, had this been a real story, I can see how people would use these excuses. Bought a new field (possessions). Trying out new oxen (work). Just got married (relationships). But the reality of it is exactly what defines the intensity of surrender, and yet reveals the quality and importance of the feast.

Sometimes we wonder why desire or yearning for more of God isn't strong in our spirit. Could we be going through a season? Perhaps. Or maybe we're just full of other stuff - so full of junk, or even, so full of things that in the natural seem necessary. But if the LORD is preparing a banquet, I want to be hungry for that meal. I won't be hungry if I'm so full.

God is preparing un-comprehensible greatness for us. And I have not attained it all, but I have faith that it will be worth the sacrifice. So if it means releasing the things that would make me a fool by the world's standards, I must do that.

I do not know what He is serving, but I will make myself hunger for it.

I want to be at the great feast. I want to be ready, empty, prepared. I want to be hungry, so that I can be filled with Him, and satisfied by Him.


xo


Reading: New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton
Listening: United Pursuit Band